


How To Save A Life

by eternaleponine



Series: From the Mouths of Babes [13]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Adoption, Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Foster Care, Medical Emergency, Snow Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-10-19 04:02:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20650877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eternaleponine/pseuds/eternaleponine
Summary: An unexpected snow day should be a day to relax and cuddle with some cocoa, but a medical emergency threatens not only Jake's life, but life as we know it for Clarke and Lexa.





	1. Chapter 1

Lexa shut off her alarm without opening her eyes, groaning as she pushed her face up out of her pillow. She'd meant to go to sleep early the night before, but she'd had more homework than seemed reasonable – did all of her teachers think their class was the only one? – and then one of the littles had had a screaming meltdown just as she was drifting off, and she'd given up on sleep as a lost cause until well after midnight. She cracked an eye open and saw Luna in a similar state of grumpy, her hair an even-more-tangled-than-usual curtain over her face. 

"You go," Luna said, offering Lexa the bathroom first. They didn't compete for it so much as negotiate; the most important thing was that they get in there before Murphy did, because people could talk all the shit they wanted about teenage girls and bathrooms; they clearly hadn't ever had to share a bathroom with a teenage boy. The irony was that he usually came out looking as unwashed and unshaven as he went in, so what the hell was he doing in there?

Lexa shuddered. Better not to think about it. "'Kay," she said, trailing her fingers over Luna's shoulder under the blankets as she passed. She cracked open the door and slipped through, only to find herself face-to-face with Miss Becca – Mom, she was still working on the name thing – who was just coming up the stairs.

"No school today," she said. "You can go back to bed."

Lexa frowned. "Why?"

"Look out the window."

Lexa went back into her room – their room, now that she shared it with Luna, which was another thing she was still getting used to even though it had been almost half a year – and lifted the shade, blinking rapidly as she tried to make sense of the scene. The sun wasn't up yet – wouldn't be up for an hour at least – so it was hard to see anything, but what she could see didn't look right. Everything was smoothed out, as if covered in... "It snowed," she said. 

"Still snowing, actually," Miss Becca said. "They're expecting another few inches before it's done." 

"Snow?" Luna asked, crawling out from her blanket cave to join Lexa at the window. "Holy shit."

"Language," Miss Becca said mildly. "You have a snow day."

Lexa's phone buzzed, and she wasn't surprised to find a text message from Clarke lighting up her screen. 

**Clarke:** SNOW DAY!!! You should come over... 😉😉😉

Lexa quickly typed a response. 

**Lexa:** I have to ask.

Except she didn't, because Miss Becca had already figured out who was likely to be texting her at this hour, and she shook her head. "At least give the Griffins a chance to get up and have breakfast," she said. 

Never mind that the whole point of Lexa going over this early was to be there _before_ the Griffin parents woke up... but Miss Becca wasn't stupid, and Lexa was sure she'd figured that out. So Lexa didn't argue, because she knew they were lucky to be allowed as much freedom as they were. 

**Lexa:** Later. After breakfast.

**Clarke:** 😭 

**Lexa:** I know. But I promise I'll come later.

She realized her mistake as soon as she hit send.

**Lexa:** Don't start.

**Clarke:** 😇😏

Lexa put her phone down, making sure the screen was hidden in case Clarke decided to send anything less innocent. But Miss Becca had already left the room, probably going to tell Murphy he didn't have to get up, as if he ever did without her having to yell at him at least twice. 

"Do you remember the last time it snowed?" Luna asked. "Probably not the last time, but—"

"I remember," Lexa said. She went over to Luna's bed and nudged her toward the wall, crawling in under the blankets beside her. Luna kicked at her when Lexa's cold toes touched her ankles, but she didn't push her away. "We made snow forts and staged a whole snow battle."

"We were having a good time," Luna said. "Until the adults decided we weren't taking it seriously enough." 

Lexa grimaced, remembering how they'd turned it into a lesson in battle strategy and tactics, winter warfare, how they hadn't been satisfied until there was blood in the snow from where one of them – Lexa didn't even remember who – had been hit in the face with a snowball studded with gravel. She found Luna's hands and laced their fingers together, squeezing. "Do you wonder if there will ever be anything they haven't managed to taint somehow?"

Luna shrugged. "It is what it is," she said. "We are who we are."

"We are who they made us," Lexa said bitterly.

"Are we?" Luna asked. "Are _you_?"

"Parts of me," Lexa said.

"But not all," Luna said. "Parts of you are who Miss Becca and Anya made you. Parts of you are who the Griffins made you. Parts of you are who _Clarke_ made you. _All_ of you is who you choose to be, what you choose to do with those parts."

"And you," Lexa said. "Parts of me are who you made me."

Luna nodded, slipping her hand from Lexa's grasp to touch the back of her shoulder, not the scars but the place where there wasn't one. "I want hot cocoa," she said. "And chocolate chip pancakes." 

"With whipped cream," Lexa said. "On both. Come on." She pulled Luna up and out of bed, and they went down to the kitchen to make themselves breakfast before anyone else got up and wanted to share.

* * *

It rarely snowed this far down the coast, especially this early in the winter (it wasn’t even winter yet, technically), and when it did, it was just enough to get people excited but not enough to actually stick and amount to anything. The last time they'd had a snow day was before Lexa; the few times it had snowed enough to accumulate in the interim had somehow all managed to fall on weekends. This time, though, it was a Thursday, and there were several inches on the ground and still falling, which was more than enough to basically shut down the entire area. 

"Where's Mom?" Clarke asked, going to the coffee maker and pouring herself a cup, liberally dosed with milk and sugar. She didn't even _like_ coffee that much, but it was there and it felt good to hold something warm between her hands. Not that it was cold in the house, but looking outside and seeing the world blanketed in white made her shiver.

"She went in to work," her dad said, turning the page of the newspaper, which they only got on Sundays (and Clarke didn't understand why; you could read everything online so why did they need to kill trees?) and which her father slowly made his way through over the course of the week. "When the snow started last night. You know how it is."

Clarke poured herself a bowl of cereal and brought it to the table, sitting down across from him and shoveling a bite into her mouth. "She thinks there will be a lot of accidents?" she asked, her voice muffled because she hadn't waited until she was done chewing to talk. If her mother was here, she would have gotten a Look. Her father just rolled his eyes.

"She _knows_ there will be a lot of accidents," he said. "Every year, people forget how to drive in snow. Also, lots of slips and falls, sledding mishaps, that kind of thing. I don't think it's cold enough for anything to have iced over to the point where people might think it's safe to skate, at least." 

Clarke shivered again, goosebumps racing up her arms. "I guess it's better that she went in before things got bad, instead of trying to drive on slippery roads and ending up in an accident herself." 

"That was the thought," her dad said. "She was going to tell you, but you were already asleep."

Clarke shrugged. "I'm used to it," she said. She didn't mind, most of the time. It sucked when her mom missed things because of an emergency at work, but it wasn't as if anything Clarke did was life-or-death. What was receiving an award or presenting at a science fair compared to saving a life? There was no comparison. 

"I invited Lexa over," she said. 

Jake looked up, a smile teasing at the corners of his mouth. "I'm surprised she'd not already here."

"Miss Becca said after breakfast," Clarke said. 

"Is Luna coming over too?" he asked. 

"No idea," Clarke said. _I hope not._ It wasn't that she didn't like Luna; they got along fine, and she'd found her own niche in their group of friends, along with her own cabal on the swim team. (Clarke had only been vaguely aware that their school _had_ a swim team, although it stood to reason considering they had a pool, until Luna had signed up and Lexa insisted that they attend her meets. Sometimes Clarke thought she would never get the smell of chlorine out of her nose.) It wasn't even that she and Lexa didn't get enough time to themselves; they still got plenty, and the fact that it was less than before wasn't all down to Luna. If anything, she encouraged Lexa to spend time at Clarke's, because it meant she had their room to herself. It was just that junior year seemed determined to kill them all, or at least drive them crazy, and having an extra day off from school that they hadn't been planning for felt like a good excuse to just curl up and do nothing and not worry about college applications or SAT prep or any of the other million-and-one things being shoved down their throats every day. 

"Well you know she's always welcome," Jake said. "They both are."

"I know, Dad," Clarke said. "Thanks."

"And hey, if the two of you – or three of you – feel like earning an extra couple of bucks, I know someone who's got a driveway that's going to need shoveling." He looked at her. "It's me," he added, deadpan. "That someone is me."

"Yeah, I got that," Clarke said, laughing. "We'll see." She finished her cereal and rinsed out the bowl before putting it in the dishwasher, and took her coffee upstairs even though she wasn't supposed to. As long as she remembered to bring the mug back down, her mom would never have to know. 

Lexa texted a little while later.

**Lexa:** Miss Becca says I can come over after we clear the driveway.

**Clarke:** Funny, my dad just offered to let us clear ours, too. At least he's paying. 🤑

**Lexa:** I wish. We'll try to be quick.

Clarke started to ask if Luna was coming too, or just helping with the shoveling, but she deleted the message without sending, and began digging in her drawers to find something warm enough to wear outside. She tried to remember if she even had anything that she could use as snow boots that would still fit, and suspected she didn't, so she put on an extra pair of fuzzy socks and hoped her rain boots (which she never wore because they were ugly, but they would keep her feet dry) would do the trick.

Her dad was at the bottom of the stairs, winding a scarf around his neck. "The siren song of a few Benjamins proved irresistible, did it?" he asked. 

"Dad, don't try to use slang," Clarke said. "You're embarrassing yourself."

"Am I?" he asked. "Or am I just embarrassing you?"

She sighed and rolled her eyes, fishing around until she found her boots, which pinched her toes with the extra socks, but what could she do? She pulled a hat down over her ears and found her biggest, bulkiest gloves, then tromped out into the garage, where her father was brushing cobwebs and dust from the snow shovels tucked in the corner. He held one out to her, and she took it, flicking away the dried up husk of a spider's dinner. 

"At least we _have_ snow shovels," he said. "It will be interesting to see what people improvise with." 

"That's one word for it," Clarke said. She heaved up the garage door and stepped out into the blustery chill, looking up the road to where Lexa and Luna were just emerging from their house, looking just as ridiculous as Clarke felt in their mismatched layers. She waved, and they waved back, and then they all got to work. 

Clarke knew that they'd probably only been working for ten minutes, maybe a little longer, but it felt like forever. The snow was heavy and wet – good snow for making snowballs or snowmen (_Or snowmen with snowballs,_, she thought with a snicker), not so great for shoveling. She could feel her father grunting and groaning as he scraped and lifted and tossed the snow, and she was just about to tease him about how he was getting old, and maybe he should work out more when he fell.

At first she thought he'd just slipped, but when he didn't get back up, didn't seem to even be making an effort to try to get back up, she skidded across the snow. "Dad?" His eyes were closed and his jaw was slack, and she dropped to her knees, barely noticing the way the knees of her jeans immediately soaked through. "Dad!" She yanked off her gloves and fumbled with his scarf, searching for a pulse, but it wasn't there, and something inside of her broke and she screamed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't like Luna, I don't care. If you've never liked Luna, _I don't care_. If you don't want to read a story that contains Luna, stop reading. This is not the story for you. Just click the back button and find something else to read. I do not need, nor do I want, to know about it. 
> 
> In other words: If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

"Fucking Murphy," Lexa grumbled, not for the first time since she and Luna had dug snow shovels out of the garage and begun the process of clearing the driveway. Part of her had wanted to argue that it was pointless to start when they snow was still falling, but most of her wanted to get over to Clarke's, so here she was. Here _they_ were, because even though it had been Miss Becca's condition for letting Lexa do what _she_ wanted, Luna had insisted on coming out too. 'The sooner you're over there, the sooner I have the room to myself,' she'd said. 

"Lazy ass piece of—" Lexa's griping, and the steady rhythm of her shovel scraping against the pavement, was cut off by a scream splitting the stillness of the neighborhood. Lexa's head shot up, her eyes going immediately across the street, because even though she'd never heard Clarke scream like that, she would know her voice anywhere, under any conditions. 

It took a second for her to make sense of what she was seeing: Clarke kneeling on the ground, her shovel discarded several yards away, leaning over a dark, crumpled form on the ground. Had an animal been hit? But no cars had come by, and—

Clarke screamed again, jolting Lexa out of her reverie and sending her sprinting across the snow. She couldn't see where the road began, and she didn't care. All that mattered was getting to Clarke. She didn't notice the car coming around the corner too fast – but Luna did, and they landed in a tangled heap as she collided with Lexa, sending them both sprawling onto the sidewalk. 

"You're no use to her dead," Luna gasped, the puff of her breath visible in the air by Lexa's cheek. "Come on." 

They hauled each other up and after double-checking there was no one else coming (and only the fishtailing tire tracks of the car that had sped past as evidence it had been there seconds before) they ran across the street.

"Clarke," Lexa said, getting an arm around her and forcing her to look away from her father's prone form. "Clarke!" 

Clarke's eyes snapped back into focus. "I can't find a pulse," she said. "He just collapsed, and I can't find a pulse, and—"

"Call 911," Luna ordered, deftly stripping away Mr. Jake's scarf and digging her fingers into the side of his neck. She glanced at Lexa, shaking her head slightly, and then unzipped his coat, pushing it aside and locking her hands together to begin chest compressions. 

They'd learned CPR, back when they were too small to do it effectively. They'd been told it was practically pointless, because if someone had no pulse they were dead, and why waste time and energy on the dead? But sometimes you had to, if the person was important enough to your survival, because maybe, just maybe, you might get lucky. 

Luna had learned again at the start of swim season; it was a requirement for everyone on the team – age 16 and up – to be certified, just in case. 

Lexa fumbled her phone out of her pocket and dialed 911, tightening her arms around Clarke, afraid that she might freak out and think Luna was hurting her father and try to interfere. It wouldn't be rational – obviously Clarke knew what Luna was doing, or trying to do – but her father was lying maybe dead on the pavement in front of her. Rational had gone out the window the second his body hit the ground. 

"911, what's your emergency?"

"My friend's father collapsed. He's not breathing and he doesn't have a pulse. We're doing CPR, but—"

"What's your address?" the operator asked. "We'll send someone right away." 

Lexa gave the address, and was told that an ambulance should be there within a few minutes... but all Lexa could think about was the fact that the streets were slick, and people didn't know to get out of the way of emergency vehicles at the best of times, and what if it took them longer? What if it took too long? 

It felt like a lifetime before they heard sirens in the distance, and then flashing lights appeared around the corner. The ambulance came to a surprisingly controlled stop – at least _they_ seemed to know how to drive in this shit – and the paramedics hopped out. 

"It's okay," one of them said to Luna. "We've got it from here." But Luna didn't move until they moved her, and even then she barely left their space. Maybe they were used to it, because they didn't insist that she move farther away, they just got to work while firing questions at them that Lexa answered to the best of her ability. 

"Clear!" one of them said, after slapping sticky pads to Mr. Jake's chest (and where had his shirt gone? Had they cut it? Had it been a button-down?), and pressed a button. His body jolted, and they all held their breath, staring at the monitor that would show them if the shock had successfully brought his heart back to life. 

The machine beeped, and then beeped again, and the paramedics shoulders went back down from around their ears... and then it was all hustle and hurry again to get Mr. Jake loaded onto the stretcher and into the ambulance. Clarke scrambled out of Lexa's arms to follow him, and Lexa tried to climb in after her, but her path was blocked. 

"Family only," the paramedic said, sounding almost apologetic. "Is her mom—"

"She's already at the hospital," Lexa said. "She works there. Dr. Abigail Griffin." 

"Okay," he said, and closed the door, and then they were off, lights and sirens signaling everyone to get out of their way, and all Lexa could do was stare until all that was left was afterimages. 

She turned and found Luna still on the ground, and she went to her and hauled her up. They trudged back across the street, leaving their shovels where they lay as they stomped into the garage, trying to knock the snow loose from their boots. 

"What happened?" Miss Becca asked as soon as they stepped inside. "I heard—"

"I need the keys," Lexa said. 

"The keys?" Miss Becca asked. 

"To the car."

Miss Becca shook her head. "You're not driving in this," she said. 

"Yes, I am," Lexa told her. "They just took Mr. Jake away in an ambulance and Clarke went with him but they wouldn't let me, so I need the keys so I can go and—"

"You are not driving in this," Miss Becca repeated. "You only just got your license. You've never driven in the snow, and—"

"What better time to learn?" Lexa asked. "Just—"

"I said no." 

Miss Becca rarely got angry, and she wasn't angry now, but the set of her jaw and the firmness of her tone made it clear that the decision was final, and she wasn't going to budge. 

But neither was Lexa. "Clarke needs me," she said. "If you won't let me drive, then _you_ take me."

Her mother's jaw clenched. "And do what with the other children, exactly?" she asked. "I'm not loading them all into the car and taking them out in dangerous weather conditions just so you can—"

"Luna can watch them," Lexa said. "The hospital isn't far. You can just—"

"No, Lexa," Miss Becca said. "The answer is no. I know you care about Clarke, and you're worried about her, and about Jake. I understand. But they're going to take care of him, and Abby will be there with Clarke. She'll be fine." She looked away, just for a second, then looked back at Lexa. "And Clarke isn't the only one who needs you right now."

Lexa turned and saw Luna leaning against the garage door, somehow managing to be both flushed and pale, shivering so badly her entire body shook. Shock, most likely. Lexa swallowed and looked at her mother, whose responsibility this should be, but she had the little ones to deal with, and Luna might be able to fake fine well enough to convince Miss Becca, but she couldn't fool Lexa. 

"Can you make some cocoa?" Lexa asked. "With milk. It's better than with water."

Under other circumstances, Miss Becca might have given her a Look and made it with water anyway, because it was less expensive, but this time she just went to the fridge. Lexa turned her attention back to Luna, pulling the hat from her head and slipping her arms out of her coat, unwinding her scarf and then crouching to tug off her boots. Luna cooperated, but in the manner of a barely animated ragdoll rather than an active participant. 

"Come on," Lexa said softly, taking one of her hands. Her fingers were like ice. "Let's go upstairs and find something dry to put on." Because her own clothes were sodden and freezing too, from sitting on the ground with Clarke in the wet snow. 

"Do you want to shower?" Lexa asked when they got to the top of the stairs.

"I said you could go first," Luna replied, and Lexa's gut unclenched a little because if she was talking, that was a good sign, right? 

"I don't mind," Lexa said. "Anyway, I need to text—"

"'Scuse," Murphy mumbled, trying to push past them to get to the bathroom. It was more polite than he usually was, but Lexa blocked him anyway. 

"Go downstairs," she said.

"Fuck off," he retorted, his eyes opening a little wider for the express purpose of glaring at her. "Get out of my way."

"Luna's taking a shower," Lexa said. "Go downstairs."

"Luna is standing right there," Murphy said. "She can wait."

"No she can't," Lexa said, straightening her back and stepping into him. "You can go the fuck downstairs, and when you're done in the bathroom, you can finish shoveling the driveway."

"Why the fuck would I do that?" Murphy asked. "I don't have anywhere to go."

Lexa took another step into him, and he stepped back, creating an opening for Luna to go behind Lexa and into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind her. Lexa smirked. "Because fuck you, that's why," she said, and retreated to her room. She quickly stripped and put on her warmest pajamas (Miss Becca had made it clear that she wasn't going anywhere any time soon) and then sent Clarke a message.

**Lexa:** Miss Becca won't let me drive to the hospital, and she won't bring me. 

Seconds went by, and then minutes, and Lexa gripped her phone so hard her fingers ached, and she barely blinked, for fear that she would miss seeing that Clarke was typing. Finally, a message popped up.

**Clarke:** It's okay. I'd rather know you're home safe. My mom is here and my grandma's coming.

**Lexa:** How's your dad?

**Clarke:** They took him into surgery. 

That was good, right? Surgery meant he was still alive. Surgery meant they thought there was a chance to save him. But surgery for what? Lexa assumed his heart, but what was wrong with it? Why had it stopped? 

The door opened and Luna came in, her hair wrapped in one towel and her body in another. Lexa pointed to the pajamas she'd left at the foot of Luna's carefully made bed – a habit they both still retained – and Luna slipped into them, then crawled under the covers. 

**Lexa:** Keep me posted?

**Clarke:** I will.

**Lexa:** I love you.

**Clarke:** I love you too.

The door opened again and Miss Becca came in with two mugs, which she set carefully on their night stands. "With whipped cream and sprinkles," she said. "I thought maybe you could use a little holiday cheer." 

"Thanks, Mi—Mom," Lexa stuttered. 

"Do you need anything else?" she asked. She leaned down to rub Luna's back through the blankets. Luna shook her head. Lexa shrugged. "Let me know," Miss Becca said. 

"I will." Lexa went over to Luna's bed and knelt beside it, peeling back the blankets a little so she could see her face. "You're going to need to sit up to drink your cocoa," she said. "Twice in one day. We're going to get spoiled." She tried to smile but knew it fell flat, so she stopped trying. "Come on, Lu..." 

Lexa prodded at her until she sat up, then placed her mug in her hands. Luna took a sip and winced, setting it down again. "Too hot," she said. 

"Okay," Lexa said. She grabbed a comb from Luna's dresser and the leave-in conditioner that made it at least somewhat manageable, and got to work braiding it back, remembering with a pang when Anya had done the same for her, before they'd taken her away. She fumbled the comb and Luna turned to look at her. "Sorry," Lexa said. 

"So am I," Luna said. 

"For what?" Lexa asked. 

"For not being able to save you," Luna said. "I wanted to. I tried. But all I could do was spare you one scar. And Sol... I couldn't save him, either. Now Clarke's dad..."

"Hey," Lexa said softly. "You did the right thing. You did everything you could. If you hadn't been there..." She shivered. She didn't even want to think about it.

"But what if it wasn't enough?" Luna asked. "Like with you. Like with Sol. What if my best—"

"He'll be okay," Lexa said. "They got his heart started again, didn't they? And now he's in surgery. So he'll be okay."

"You don't know that," Luna said. 

"You don't know he won't be, either," Lexa said. "Please, Luna. I have to believe..." 

Luna reached up and put her hand over Lexa's where it rested on her shoulder. "Maybe that's enough," she said. "Believing. You were the one who saved us all, because you believed them when they told you you could go home if you just told them everything. And here you are."

"Here _we_ are," Lexa said. 

Luna nodded, but her eyes were far away, like she was already imagining herself somewhere else.


	3. Chapter 3

There were still two months of the six-month waiting period before Miss Becca could adopt her, which meant there were still two months for Miss Becca to change her mind. Up until this point, Luna had done everything she could to give her no reason to do that, but if Clarke's dad died... if she'd tried and failed to save him, like she'd tried and failed to save everyone else who had ever mattered to her... if she'd actually made it worse somehow...

Lexa's hand slipped from her hair and her arms closed around her. "Don't," she said softly. "Don't go there." 

Luna leaned back into her, turning her head so her face was pressed into Lexa's neck, which dug her shoulder into Lexa's sternum and wasn't comfortable for either of them, but neither of them moved until Luna's breath stopped hitching in her chest. She wanted to cry – more than anything she wanted to cry – but the tears wouldn't come. 

She finally made herself sit up, and Lexa retrieved the comb from where it had slipped do the floor and quickly finished taming Luna's hair into braids. Their cocoa was cool enough to drink by then, and although Luna tried to make it last, to savor it, it was gone all too soon, and even though it should have warmed her, she started shivering again. 

"Hold on," Lexa said. She went over to her bed and yanked off the blankets, carrying them over and spreading them on top of Luna's, and they both crawled in beneath them, their heads on one pillow, their limbs and fingers tangled because there wasn't enough room for two people in the bed without touching and Luna didn't want to be alone anyway. 

She remembered when she was ten years old, and she'd slunk back into the room that all of the kids shared in the wee hours of the morning with her shirt sticking to the fresh blisters on the back of her shoulder, and instead of climbing into her own bunk she'd weaseled her way into Lexa's. 

Lexa hadn't been asleep; Luna wondered if she'd woken up when they'd come and taken her, and if Lexa had slept at all. She'd looked at Luna, wide-eyed, and whispered, "Did they hurt you?" Luna had shrugged, and winced with the movement, and Lexa's face had changed, had shifted into something fierce and animal, and she'd been ready to take on anyone, everyone to avenge the pain they'd inflicted, but Luna hadn't let her. Instead she'd let Lexa spread aloe on the burns and felt her press kisses – eight of them – on the back of her right shoulder where it was safe, and wondered where she'd learned that, because no one here ever taught them that a kiss could make anything better. 

Maybe she dozed, or maybe she just drifted, but she was yanked back to reality when Lexa's phone buzzed. She reached for it and pulled it into their nest of blankets, squinting at the brightness of the screen, and her face split into a smile.

"He's okay," she said. "He made it through surgery. He's going to be okay!" 

Luna blinked, and blinked, and blinked again, because she had to be dreaming, this couldn't be real...

Lexa's lips brushed her ear as she crushed her in a hug. "You did this," she whispered. "You saved him."

The dam broke, and the floodgates opened, and Luna cried.

* * *

"Dad?" Clarke whispered. She'd thought she'd seen his eyelids flutter, like he was finally waking up. Maybe she'd just imagined it, or maybe it was wishful thinking. Maybe it was a twitch. The doctors had said it would take some time, but that the surgery had been a success and they expected him to make a full recovery. If everything went smoothly, he would even be home before Christmas. Her mother had believed them, even all of the technical medical stuff they'd started spewing that went way above Clarke's head, so it had to be true, right?

But hooked up to all of the tubes and monitors, he barely looked like her father. There was no spark to him, no life, even though his chest rose and fell, and she could feel his pulse beating where she gripped his wrist, along with seeing the spike of it on the screen. If he just opened his eyes... if she could just see that he was still in there...

"Please, Dad," she said. "Please, I need you to wake up. I need you to—"

"It's going to take some time, sweetie," her mom said, putting her hands on Clarke's shoulders. "I know it's hard, but—"

"You weren't there, Mom," Clarke said. "You don't know!"

"I know, Clarke. I can't imagine how scary that must have been, but the worst is over now, and—"

"What if he doesn't wake up? What if he has some kind of bad reaction, or gets an infection, or—"

"The chances of those things happening are very slim," Abby assured her. "And you know that everyone is going to take the very best care of him."

"He could have _died_," Clarke said. "He _did_ die! He had no pulse and he wasn't breathing! He—"

She was cut off by a cough, followed by a groan. "It's not polite to talk about people right in front of them as if they're not there," her father said, his voice raspy. 

"Dad!" Clarke would have thrown herself at him, but her mother held her back, and she had to settle for squeezing his hand extra hard. "You're alive!"

"Of course I am," Jake said. "Did you think you could get rid of me that easily?" He attempted a wink, but it ended up more of an exaggerated blink. Apparently the drugs were still impacting some of his motor control. 

"No thanks to me," Clarke said, her eyes filling with tears. "You collapsed and I didn't know what to do! It was Lexa who called 911, Luna who did CPR. All I did was scream." The tears rolled down her cheeks and she wiped them away hastily. She hadn't earned the right to cry. "I'm sorry, Dad. I'm so sorry!"

"No, _I'm_ sorry," he said. "I'm sorry you had to see that. I'm sorry I scared you."

"I told you to go to the doctor," Abby said. "I _told_ you." 

"You _are_ a doctor," Jake said, smiling at her. "I thought I would just stay healthy by osmosis."

Abby snorted, and Clarke just put her head down on the side of the bed and let her father stroke her hair with the hand that didn't have needles stuck into it. "It's okay, Clarke," he said. "I'm okay. I promise I'll take better care of myself from now on." 

Clarke swallowed back a sob and it came out a hiccup. "You better," she said. She stayed a little longer, not really listening as her mother told her father exactly what had happened, what they'd done, what it meant, but finally had to leave so that her grandmother – her father's mother – could come in and see him, since he was only allowed two visitors at a time. She could have tried to argue that it was her mother who ought to switch places, but the truth was, she needed a break. 

She wandered down the hall, away from the waiting room and the nurses' station until she found a quiet corner, where she slid down the wall, her back pressed against the painted cement blocks with her knees to her chest. She called Lexa.

"Hey babe," she said softly when Lexa picked up halfway through the first ring. 

"Hey," Lexa said. "How are you?"

"Okay," Clarke said, but the word got caught in her throat and almost didn't come out. "He woke up."

"Good," Lexa said. "That's good. Right?"

"Yeah," Clarke said. 

"How are you?" Lexa asked again, and Clarke wondered if she'd forgotten she'd already asked, or if she hadn't believed Clarke's answer the first time around. 

Clarke shook her head, then realized Lexa couldn't hear that. She sniffed and swallowed a few times. "I wish you were here," she finally managed, then shook her head again. "No I don't," she said. "I wish I was there. I wish we were all there – home – and no one was here."

"I wish that too," Lexa said. 

"I don't want to be here," Clarke said, even more softly than before. "I know I should – he's my _dad_ \-- but I don't like seeing him like that."

"Can someone bring you home?" Lexa asked. 

"I don't know," Clarke said. "It doesn't matter. I need to be here. If something else happens..."

"The doctors will take care of him," Lexa pointed out. "It's okay to need a break. It's okay to take care of yourself. Or let others take care of you."

Tears welled up and Clarke tried to sniff them back. "I don't deserve it," she said. "I didn't do anything. I have first aid training, I know CPR, but I didn't _do_ anything. _You_ did. Luna did. I just screamed." And she wondered how long those screams would echo in her dreams, how long it would be before she stopped seeing her father's body prone on the ground, stopped feeling the nothing where a pulse should be against her fingertips. 

"Which let us know something was wrong, and we came over to help," Lexa pointed out. "Maybe it doesn't seem like anything, but it was."

"It wasn't enough," Clarke said. 

"He's alive," Lexa said. "That's not enough?"

_Well when you put it that way..._ Clarke sighed. "Do you think Miss Becca will let you come over?" she asked. "If I come home? Even though it's a school night?"

"They already canceled school for tomorrow," Lexa said. "I guess they don't think they'll get all the roads clear. Or maybe they just decided it never snows, and it's Friday, so fuck it." 

Clarke almost laughed. "So do you think she would?"

"I don't think she could stop me if she tried," Lexa said. "If you come home, I'll be there. Doesn't matter what time. I'll be there." 

"Okay," Clarke said. "Hopefully I'll see you soon."

It was her grandmother who finally brought her home. Her mother insisted on staying, because although the snow had stopped, the potential for accidents was still higher than average, and technically she was still on call. Given the circumstances, they wouldn't use her unless they had absolutely no other choice, but neither Clarke nor her grandmother could convince her to change her mind... and to be honest, Clarke didn't try all that hard.

"Are you hungry?" Nana asked. "I don't remember you eating any lunch, and it's well into dinner time now."

"Not really," Clarke said, scrubbing at her face with her hands, "but I know I should eat."

"We both should," Nana said. "But I don't feel like cooking, so don't even ask. We can order whatever you want." She winked – a real one – and Clarke managed a crooked smile. "You want to invite your Lexa over?"

The other corner of Clarke's mouth curved upward. When they were younger, it had been 'your friend Lexa', but since she'd told her grandmother they were dating, she had become 'your Lexa'. Her grandmother wasn't in denial about the relationship; she didn't think it was a phase or have any problem with it. But for whatever reason, to Nana she wasn't Clarke's girlfriend Lexa, she was just Clarke's Lexa. And it made Clarke smile every time. 

"And Luna," Clarke said. "She was the one who did CPR. She was the one—"

"Of course," Nana said. "Luna too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies to whoever asked if Clarke knew CPR and I told them no... clearly I did not remember what I'd already written. Oops!


	4. Chapter 4

"Come on, Lu," Lexa said. "Stop being stubborn. She invited you specifically." She turned her phone screen so Luna could see the text from Clarke.

**Clarke:** On way home now with Nana. We're ordering food – whatever we want. Ask Luna to come too.

"She's just being polite," Luna said. "I'm not going to be a third wheel."

"Her Nana is already the third wheel," Lexa pointed out. "You're the fourth. You balance us out."

Luna pursed her lips. "So really, I'm invited so I can distract her Nana while you two sneak off."

Lexa did her best to keep a straight face. "Would we do that?"

"Yes, you absolutely would, you butt," Luna said, but Lexa could see her resolve – and her sour expression – cracking. 

"Did you miss the part about anything we want for dinner? Because it's meatloaf on the menu here." 

Luna grimaced, looking like she might heave. Lexa knew that Luna tried not to complain about anything, ever, but she'd seen the way she'd only just barely choked down half of her meat loaf last time they had it, and had raided the secret stash of snacks they kept hidden in their room later to make up for it. "_Fine_," she said. "I want Chinese."

"I don't think you'll get any argument," Lexa said. "Come on." She held out her hands and heaved Luna up out of bed, and they looked at each other in their pajamas. "I don't think Clarke will mind if we don't put on real pants," Lexa said. 

"She'd only have to take them off you later," Luna said, and dodged when Lexa swatted at her, opening the door and heading for the stairs with Lexa close at her heels. 

Lexa detoured into the kitchen, where the smell of the cooking meatloaf made her stomach churn a little. It wouldn't be so bad if Miss Becca didn't insist on putting vegetables in it... "We're going over to the Griffins' for dinner," she said. "Clarke and her Nana invited us. I'll probably stay the night." 

"Are you asking me, or are you telling me?" Miss Becca asked. 

"Telling you," Lexa said, because she wasn't willing to negotiate. 

Miss Becca sighed. "I'll expect to see you at some point tomorrow," she said. "You're not just moving in there for the weekend."

"I'll probably need clean clothes," Lexa said, "so yeah, you'll see me. Thanks, Mom." It almost felt natural, coming off her tongue, and she didn't stiffen when her adoptive mother pulled her into a hug. 

"Have Luna let me know whether she's coming home or staying," she said. "And tell Clarke that I'll keep her dad in my thoughts." 

"I will," Lexa said. She shoved her feet into her boots and shrugged on her coat, making her way down the walkway that – wonder of wonders – Murphy had finished shoveling. She picked her way across the street, making sure to look both ways and holding Luna's hand as if they were little and needed to be held on to for safety. 

Maybe they were. Maybe they did.

There was no car in the driveway when they got there... only two discarded shovels and scuff marks in the snow where various bodies had been. Lexa shivered and looked at Luna, who nodded. They got to work, erasing the evidence of the day. They were just finishing when they saw headlights, and a car Lexa didn't recognize pulled in. 

Clarke was out of the passenger's seat almost before it had come to a complete stop, and she crashed into Lexa and clung. Lexa kissed her hair, her cheek, her ear, any part of her she could reach, and tried to guide her toward the door.

"You must be Luna," Nana said, following them up the path with Luna caught awkwardly between. "I'm Clarke's grandmother. Jake's mother. Thank you for saving my son." 

Clarke fumbled with her key, letting them in, and Lexa blinked in the sudden brightness. She and Clarke steadied themselves against each other as they kicked off their boots. Luna seemed frozen in place again, and Lexa reached out to nudge her. "I didn't save your son," Luna finally blurted. "I didn't—"

"You did," Nana said. "The doctors said that the fact that CPR was started almost immediately, and maintained until his heart was restarted, may have saved him from irreparable damage. So you did save him, and I won't hear another word otherwise." 

Luna flushed. "Yes ma'am," she said.

"Oh, none of that," Nana said. "You'll call me Nana like everyone else. Are you hungry? Where are the menus? I'll cook you up the finest meal you've ever had delivered." 

That got a smile, and Lexa relaxed. "We were thinking Chinese," she said. 

"That sounds wonderful," Nana said immediately. "I love a good moo goo gai pan." 

"I'll get the menu," Clarke said, and Lexa followed because Clarke hadn't let go of her hand. They all leaned over it, trying to decide what they wanted, with disputes mostly being settled by Nana declaring, 'We'll just get both. With three teenage girls in the house, I'm not worried about the leftovers not getting eaten.' 

She made the call, and they settled in the living room to wait.

* * *

The laws of physics prevented two bodies from occupying the same space at the same time, but that didn't stop Clarke from trying. Lexa's arms closed around her as Clarke pushed her shoulders into her girlfriend's chest, and Lexa's lips brushed against Clarke's ear, sending a shiver through her and goosebumps racing down her arms. She was glad that her sweatshirt hid them, as well as the other parts of her that puckered with the chill. She suddenly – or maybe not so suddenly – wished that she and Lexa were alone upstairs and not curled up at one end of the couch with Luna at the other, and Nana in the armchair that used to easily fit Clarke and Lexa side-by-side, and still did but not nearly as easily. 

"So how has school been?" Nana asked, even though Clarke had already told her. But when Clarke started to answer, Nana shook her head. "I was asking Lexa," she said. 

Lexa shifted behind her, settling more comfortably as she told Nana about the classes she was taking and the extracurriculars she was involved in, how she'd been volunteering for an organization that tried to teach young girls the strength and resilience they would need to be themselves in a world that too often tried to tell them who they ought to be, that tried to make them fit into a mold that was too small to contain them. It had started as something she was required to do for credit to graduate, but she'd kept going even after her required hours had been filled, and Clarke loved how passionate she was about it. 

"And what about you, Luna?" Nana asked. "What do you like to do?"

"I'm on the swim team," Luna said. "That eats up most of my time these days." 

"Oh, how exciting!" Nana said. "What's your best event? Or your favorite event?"

And she was off and running, learning all about her new adopted granddaughter, because that was what she did with Clarke's friends. Clarke turned her head to look up at Lexa, who smiled back at her, nuzzling against her cheek. "Love you," Lexa whispered. 

"Love you too," Clarke said. 

When the doorbell rang, Nana got up to get the food, and Clarke grudgingly left the comfort of Lexa's arms to help wrangle the bulging bags. They laid everything out on the counter, and even with four of them, there were definitely going to be plenty of leftovers. Which wasn't a bad thing, Clarke thought, because she didn't think anyone was going to feel like cooking for a little while. 

They dug in, the conversation continuing with Nana getting a somewhat toned-down version of how Lexa and Luna knew each other. She'd seen Clarke's art project, the one that had made the news, but Clarke had omitted the audio component of it at Lexa's request, because she didn't want the pity that might come along with Nana knowing the whole truth. 

"Well I'm glad you found your way back to each other," Nana said finally, reaching out to pat Luna's hand. "I'm glad you're home."

"Me too," Luna said. 

When they'd had their fill and put the leftovers away, the food coma that followed a big meal started to set in, and Luna insisted on heading home. Clarke hugged her for a long time, not sure if she should say thank you, because Luna seemed uncomfortable with it being pointed out that she was a hero, even though she was, so Clarke just made sure she felt it. Luna smiled when she finally let go and nodded. "I'll see you tomorrow, probably," she said, then accepted two more long hugs before heading out the door. Nana watched as she crossed the road, making sure she got home safe.

"You two can go upstairs," she said once she'd shut the door again. "Don't let me keep you." 

"Are you—" Lexa started to say, but Clarke jabbed an elbow into her side to stop her. 

"Thanks, Nana," Clarke said. "Good night!" She hugged her, then nudged Lexa up the stairs, locking her door behind them. She was acutely aware of the fact that Nana was in the house, puttering around downstairs probably, and that she could walk by on her way to the guest room at any time, but that didn't stop Clarke from closing the distance between her and Lexa and backing her up toward the bed. 

"Clarke," Lexa whispered as she sat down, and Clarke climbed into her lap, straddling her hips. "Your—"

"Shh," Clarke whispered. "Please..." 

Lexa looked at her for a long moment, and then tilted her head to brush her lips against Clarke's throat. "Okay," she breathed. "Okay..."

Clarke rocked her hips, biting back a moan, and then failed to stifle a gasp as Lexa's hands slid up under her sweatshirt, over her ribs, and came up to cup the weight of Clarke's breasts, which had continued to grow even after the rest of her seemed to stop, and Clarke might have minded more if Lexa didn't seem to enjoy touching them so much...

Clarke shimmied out of the sweatshirt, and the t-shirt she wore underneath, and bit her lip as Lexa's thumbs circled her nipples, followed by the tip of her tongue before her lips closed around one, then the other, bringing them to points and then smoothing them out again. 

For a little while it was enough, until it wasn't and Clarke slid from Lexa's lap to let her climb into the bed fully, both shedding clothing in the process until there was nothing but breathless wonder between them. And it was far from the first time but somehow this time felt different, because Clarke wasn't sure that she'd ever been so aware of being alive before, and of the possibility that one day she might not be, that Lexa might not be, and she crushed her mouth against Lexa's but couldn't quite swallow her sob, and in less than a second she was coming undone in a way that wasn't at all what she wanted. 

"Shh," Lexa whispered, not to stop her but like the white noise of ocean waves, pulling Clarke into her arms, surrounding her and settling her until the storm subsided. 

And when it was over, they were both still there, both still breathing, their hearts still beating and if they didn't share the same rhythm it was close enough, and they knew how to speed it up and slow it down with a kiss, a touch, a sigh, a word... 

_Don't ever leave me,_ Clarke wanted to say. _Promise you won't ever leave me._ But it wasn't a promise Lexa could make, any more than Clarke could, and knowing there was no such thing as forever was a wound that could never heal, and maybe that was what separated childhood from the rest of your life, that knowing, and Clarke wasn't a child anymore and Lexa maybe never had been. 

But even if true healing was impossible, that didn't mean it would always hurt like it did now. Because they had each other now, and every new tomorrow they got was another chance to bandage the wound with love and understanding, another opportunity to kiss it and make it better. 

So that's what Clarke did. Over, and over, and over...


	5. Chapter 5

They finally let Mr. Jake come home the day before the day before Christmas. Christmas Eve Eve, and their first day off from school for the break. Lexa watched from one of the upstairs windows as Dr. Abby helped him out of the car, and he walked a little slowly, a little gingerly, toward the house, with Dr. Abby on one side of him and Clarke on the other. She couldn't hear what he said to them, but from the looks on their faces, they didn't think it was nearly as funny as he did. At least all of this hadn't made him lose his sense of humor. 

Luna nudged up against her. "What are you looking at?" she asked. 

"Mr. Jake's home," Lexa said. "Finally." 

Luna shifted a little closer, and Lexa stepped aside enough to let her have a look, too. They stood there, side by side, and watched as the door closed behind the trio. "It's good he's home," Luna said. 

"Clarke said he wouldn't take no for an answer," Lexa told her. "He had to be home before Christmas. It's his favorite holiday." 

"Really?" Luna asked dryly. "I never would have guessed." 

Lexa laughed. Luna had gone over to the Griffins with her the day after Thanksgiving, and they'd both been roped (almost literally, with strings of Christmas lights) into helping decorate the house. Luna had been a little weird about it at first, and Lexa guessed she probably hadn't had much holiday cheer shared with her up to that point, but she'd eventually gotten into it once there were cookies involved. 

"There was no way he was going to miss the Christmas Eve party," Lexa added. "He just had to promise he would behave and not over-exert himself." 

"What are the chances of that?" Luna asked.

Lexa shrugged. "I would say pretty good. Would _you_ want to cross Dr. Abby and Clarke?"

Luna huffed a soft laugh. "I guess not." 

Lexa kept waiting for a text from Clarke, inviting them – or at least her – to come over, but it never came. Clarke eventually texted saying that her mother was being an overprotective menace, and that Lexa didn't want to be over there anyway, and Lexa sighed. 

**Lexa:** What about tomorrow? Is the party still happening?

**Clarke:** Yes. Dad insisted. Told my mom if she canceled she would be the Grinch who stole Christmas. Probably why she's got such a stick up her butt honestly.

**Lexa:** I guess I'll see you tomorrow then.

**Clarke:** You can come over early and help prep. Luna too. 

**Clarke:** And maybe we can find some time to sneak off while they're distracted... 😉

**Lexa:** Not if your mom's in a Mood.

**Clarke:** Maybe by tomorrow she won't be. Anyway, come over whenever – we're going to be at it all day since we didn't do any prep before now. 

**Lexa:** Okay. See you in the morning. 

**Clarke:** Love you. 😘

**Lexa:** Love you too. 😘

She flopped back on her bed with a sigh, and Luna rolled her eyes and tossed a pillow at her. "You'll live for one night without her." 

"It's not one night, it's at least two," Lexa said. 

"You'll live for two nights without her," Luna said. "What are you going to do when you go to college?"

Lexa hugged the pillow Luna had thrown to her chest. "Maybe we'll go to the same school," she said. 

"And if you don't?"

Lexa didn't want to think about it. She spent a lot of time actively not thinking about it. "We'll figure it out."

* * *

"There's my girls!" Nana said, opening her arms and gathering Luna and Lexa to her as soon as they stepped in the door. "Just in time. It's all hands on deck in the cookie factory; we should have started days ago!" 

Within minutes they were wrapped in aprons and covered in flour, but Luna didn't mind. She still wasn't quite sure how to handle the fact that Clarke's grandmother treated her pretty much exactly the same way she treated Clarke – as if she'd known her all of her life. As if she was really family. It wasn't a bad feeling, but it wasn't one she was used to. Luckily she didn't have too much time to dwell on it, because she was handed a recipe and a mixing bowl and set to work. 

They took a brief break for lunch, but then it was back to work, until they'd made as many cookies as they could in the time they had, and turned their attention to cleaning up the kitchen and putting out other food – luckily they had the party catered and that order had been made well ahead of Dr. Jake's health scare – before going up to Clarke's room to change into party clothes. 

Luna knocked on the door. "I'm coming in," she said. "You better be decent."

She heard the click of the lock, and when she twisted the knob and stepped in, she found Clarke and Lexa nearly dressed, perfectly presentable, if a little flushed. She shook her head and quickly stripped out of her flour-smudged jeans and long-sleeve tee to change into the leggings and oversized sweater she'd brought. (Modesty – what little she'd had – had gone out the window when she joined the swim team. At this point she really didn't care who saw what, as long as it was only women in the room, and Lexa had seen it all before anyway.) 

"I like that color on you," Clarke said, reaching out to touch the soft teal of her sleeve. "Is it sparkly?"

"A little," Luna said.

"Very mermaid chic," Clarke said with a nod of approval. 

Luna rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. She teased Lexa about how attached at the hip she was with Clarke, and sometimes worried about how well her sister would fare if they ever _were_ apart for an extended period of time, but the truth was, she liked Clarke and considered her one of her closest friends. She would like her even if she wasn't the love of Lexa's life. 

"Girls, come on down!" Dr. Abby called up the stairs. "People are starting to arrive!" 

They trooped down the stairs to greet the guests... which mostly meant Clarke greeting them, with Lexa acting as back-up because she'd been attending the party for long enough that she knew most of the guests. Luna stuck to the background, content to be 'Lexa's sister' or 'our friend' Luna. (If there was a rhyme or reason to how she was introduced, Luna didn't know it. Maybe it had to do with how familiar the person was with Lexa's background, or how likely they thought it was for the person to ask questions about, 'Well if they're sisters, why have we not met her before? Why don't they look anything alike?') Eventually the party got busy enough that they stopped trying to greet each guest as they came in and were allowed to just roam.

Miss Becca found her in the sea of people and put a reassuring hand on her back. "You doing all right?" she asked. "I know it can be overwhelming."

"I'm fine," Luna said, wanting to shrug her off but at the same time not. "Really." 

One of the younger kids – 'the littles', as Lexa called them – twined himself around Luna. "Did you make the cookies?" he asked. "I want a cookie." 

"I helped," Luna said. "And you have to ask Miss Becca." 

Miss Becca smiled. "You can have two cookies, but none with chocolate, okay?"

He heaved a sigh. "Okay." He clenched his fingers around Luna's and dragged her over to the cookies so she could tell him what the best ones were that he could eat. 

What seemed – and was – hours later, the party finally wound down. Miss Becca had told her and Lexa that they had to be home by eleven at the absolute latest, but that they could stay and help clean up if they wanted. She had already taken the other kids home and put them to bed to dream of sugar plums (whatever those were – Luna imagined them to be like sugary prunes and therefore not particularly appetizing) and Santa. 

Finally it was just the Griffins, including Nana, and the two of them left, and Luna supposed by now they were honorary Griffins in a way. Lexa certainly was, and after everything that had happened recently, Luna didn't think she could avoid being considered part of the family even if she wanted to... and she didn't want to. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, it felt good to belong. This wasn't home – that was Miss Becca's – but it was family. 

They got to work cleaning up, picking up trash and putting away leftovers – and despite how many people had been there, there were still so many leftovers – and generally turning the house back into a home. When everything was done but the dishes that couldn't go in the dishwasher, Mr. Jake called for everyone to come to the living room. 

Luna trailed Clarke and Lexa, perching on the edge of the couch, her stomach suddenly full of butterflies. She didn't know what he wanted, but she got the feeling whatever it was, _she_ didn't want it. 

The feeling was confirmed when a small pile of gifts was set in front of her. She pulled her hands back like they might burn her, and Lexa glanced over. "It's okay," she said softly. 

"They didn't have to get me anything," Luna hissed. "I didn't get _them_ anything, and I don't want to owe them."

"They're gifts," Lexa said. "You don't—"

"Nothing in life is free," Luna said. "You know that." 

Lexa shook her head slightly. "I don't," she said. "But it took a while to un-know it." 

Luna looked at her for a long moment, and finally the fight went out of her. If Lexa trusted that accepting the gifts from the Griffins didn't obligate them to do more than they already did, then she would try to, too. She picked up the first package and carefully picked at the tape, trying to preserve the shiny paper.

"Just tear it!" Clarke said, impatient. 

"You can use it again," Luna said. "It's just a waste otherwise."

"But we won't," Clarke told her. 

"You could save it for an art project," Luna argued. 

Clarke considered, then shrugged. "I can't think of anything I would use it for," she said. "But you could take it home to the kids. They could probably use it for something."

"See?" Luna said, and continued her slow opening of the box in her lap. She breathed a sigh of relief when she discovered it was just a book, the next in the series she'd most recently been reading. Another box revealed a new swimsuit, a really nice one that she hadn't wanted to ask Miss Becca to spend the money on, and that was a little harder to swallow. There were a few other little things, but nothing that felt too much like a shackle.

"One more thing," Mr. Jake said. "This one is for all of us, but I want Luna to open it."

Luna reached out and took the envelope he held out with trembling fingers. She slid her finger under the flap to loosen it, finally drawing out a card with a picture of a beach on the front. She opened the card, and inside was a brochure. "I don't understand," she said.

Mr. Jake smiled. "I know you don't want a big fuss made, but the truth is your quick thinking and actions are part of the reason that I'm still here today. I know you didn't do it to be heroic or for any kind of recognition; you did it because it was the right thing to do. And I know you don't expect anything, but I – we – wanted to do something for you, to show our appreciation. When we asked Clarke what you might like, she said you loved the beach, and suggested we invite you and Lexa on our family vacation this summer. We've always wanted to go to Hawaii, and there's plenty of beaches there. What do you think?"

Luna shook her head. "I can't," she said softly. 

"You'll be adopted by then," Lexa said. "There's no rules that say you can't once you're adopted."

Luna looked at her. "That's not—"

"You have to say yes," Clarke said. "Come on. It'll be fun! Snorkeling, paddleboarding... surfing, maybe, if you want to learn that. You have to come!" 

Luna looked at the glossy brochure that was wrinkling in her too-tight grip. It was too much. There was no way she could repay them, and it didn't matter what they said, they would expect repayment. Nothing this big came without strings attached. 

"You keep that," Mr. Jake finally said, "and think about it. But we would all really like it if you came." 

Luna nodded slightly, tucking the card back into the envelope. "I will," she said. "Thank you."

* * *

"What's there to think about?" Clarke asked. "Luna, please. If you hadn't..." She swallowed. "I still have a dad because of you. Maybe... maybe he would have been okay anyway, but maybe not. And maybe Christmas would have been ruined forever, and every other holiday, too. I know saying yes seems like a big deal but compared to what you gave me – gave us – it really isn't. What's a plane ticket and a hotel room and a few meals against a whole life, a whole family? We want you to come. _I_ want you to come. Please." 

Lexa had warned her that Luna might not say yes. She'd tried to prepare Clarke for the fact that there was no such thing as a gift where they came from, and no one had taught Luna otherwise over the years, but Clarke wasn't going to give up. It had been her idea to invite Luna, and they could have picked any beach in the world and maybe should have gone for something smaller, but go big or go home, right? Because if they'd learned anything from this, it was that life was short, or could be, and if you waited to do the things you'd always wanted to, you might not get a chance. 

Luna looked at her, and Clarke looked back, her gaze unwavering like she could psychically project into Luna's head, 'Say yes, say yes, say yes.' 

"They already asked Miss Becca," Lexa added. "She already said it's okay."

Luna glanced away from Clarke to Lexa, who offered a reassuring smile. Finally, slowly, Luna's chin dipped down, then lifted again, barely a nod but a nod nonetheless. "Okay," she said. 

Clarke bounced up and nearly toppled Luna backward, crashing into her with a hug. Luna grunted, but got her arms around Clarke as she righted herself, returning the hug, her arms tightening like they usually only did around Lexa, so that Clarke could feel her heart pounding in her chest. "Thank you," Clarke said. "It'll be awesome, I promise." 

After that, Luna accepted hugs from Clarke's parents and Nana, and headed home, leaving Lexa to say her good nights. Lexa accepted a round of hugs and thanks for all her held preparing for the party and cleaning up after, and then her parents and grandmother faded into the background, leaving them to say goodbye privately.

Lexa led her toward the door and pointed up. "Nargles," she said, and when Clarke looked up she saw they were under the mistletoe. Clarke smiled and drew her into a kiss, and it was a good thing no one else was around because it wasn't just a quick peck. If they had more time before Lexa's curfew, Clarke would have been tempted to take her back upstairs.

"Nargles," Clarke agreed. 

"That was the first time we kissed," Lexa said softly. "Do you remember?"

Clarke nodded. "I never understood what the big deal was about kissing," she said. "Why was kissing on the lips different from kissing a cheek? It was all just skin. But then I kissed you and it made me feel... I didn't even know how to describe it then. But it made me feel _different_."

"Me too," Lexa said. "I think maybe that's when I started falling in love with you. Because I knew even then, when it was just a tingly, fizzy, funny feeling in my belly, that I wanted it again, and more, and only with you." 

Clarke nodded, resting her head on Lexa's shoulder. "Aren't we lucky, to have found each other so young?" 

Lexa rested her head against Clarke's. "If everything that happened in my life led me to finding you, then it was all worth it." 

And they kissed again, and it was only the chiming of Lexa's phone, telling her she had five minutes to get across the street, that split them apart. 

"I'll see you tomorrow?" Lexa asked. 

Clarke nodded, a little dazed. "Merry Christmas, love."

"Merry Christmas," Lexa echoed, stealing one last quick kiss. Clarke watched her from the door and waved when she stopped on her porch and looked back. She closed the door once Lexa was inside and turned to find her father standing there.

She collapsed into his arms, clinging as hard as she dared knowing he was still healing. "Thank you for not dying," she said. "Thank you for being the best dad in the world." 

"Thank you for being the best kid in the world," he said, kissing the top of her head. "Thank you for having the best friends in the world."

"They are pretty great, aren't they?" Clarke said. "Thank you for... for making them part of the family. Even when it might have been easier not to." 

"Anything for you, kiddo," he said. "Now go to bed, or Santa won't come."

Clarke shrugged. "Who needs Santa?" she asked. "All I want for Christmas is you."


End file.
